hopeful

a scene of hopefulness captured during James Benedict's first month birthday.
Kuya JP wishing and praying that we'll be able to bring his baby brother home.



and a mom full of hope.

but little did i know that on this day, Ruben talked to James' doctors and was keeping the development to himself because he doesn't know how to break it to me. this was the day when he learned that it will take a miracle to heal James.

during James' hospitalization, Ruben was the one involved. i cannot stand hearing from doctors that James chances are slim. it was Ruben who would deal with the hospital, the doctors and the nurses. my role is to simply visit my baby. i didn't have to think about other things except that.

he was my strength.
and i could hardly imagine how he felt as we were celebrating James' first month birthday, keeping the reality from me.

after our son died, he got to tell me he learned about James' need for a miracle a day before i did. i got to talk to the doctor the day after James' first month. that was when i learned of the gravity of his situation.

it was the day when Ruben and i both cried the hardest.
there is simply no way of easing the pain of knowing that you are about to lose your son.