a blank

page. post.

been blank for quite sometime.
don't really know how to fill the blank up.

longing for normalcy.
and our constant companion has been the tv.
series.
grey's anatomy. glee. private practice. csi.
we even marathon anime.

you? what's your remedy for a blank day?

lovely...

...images from a candle i made from old brown ones.

the wick separated when i was drying the candle.

it produced this image when i lighted it.

simply amazing.

Kuya JP: Our Little {BIG} Star

he likes singing and dancing.

i am really {crossing my fingers} hoping that he won't outgrow this,

once he realizes that he is old enough to be embarrassed performing in front of a crowd.

school is out

and we concluded it with Kuya JP's Recognition and Reading Recital program.

We couldn't be prouder and happier.

after the program {on our ride home}, Kuya JP mentioned that he wanted James to study in the same school, that is if James weren't an angel.

i guess, somehow he understands that his brother will never live with us here, today.

but i am thankful that his innocence has spared him from painfully grieving the loss of our baby.

life after James

after what happened to my family,

i am not so sure i can go back to doing the things i love doing
without being reminded of James.
i have been itching to scrap but every time i attempt to,
i would go in our hobby room
and be reminded that it should have been our nursery.

it just is so difficult.
but you have got to try.
you can never afford to be depressed,
instead,
you find ways to deal with it.



so i gathered up those rusting bobbins
and
thought of more projects.



love that star wars fabric,
it'll be a cute addition to our boys' room.

life goes on

today marks your 40th day, our angel.

life goes on.

and we have to move on.

but amidst the sadness, we rely on you for strength.

strength to go on.

for you our baby.

we miss you, James.

a day before it all happened...

january 30, 2010 ~ saturday

there was this "grateful" feeling enveloping me when i was praying. i was thanking God for giving and blessing us with James Benedict. i remembered "that" feeling when i did the test and I was almost screaming when i told Ruben it was positive. the joy we (Ruben, JP and i) feel whenever we feel James kick from inside my tummy.

yes, there are times when i feel the stab in my heart knowing that we can lose James anytime. yes, i cry every time i think about the pain he has been through since he was born on Christmas day.

i have been to that point when i was already bargaining some years from the Lord... to lend James Benedict to us for a few years... that He would allow us to let James Benedict feel some loving, experience the happiness of having a family so that he would know how it is to be without pain.